| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2009|12:52 pm] |
|
Best friends means I can jokingly sing one line of "All My Life" by K Ci and JoJo and suddenly we erupt into a full chorus. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|11:24 pm] |
My creativity is dwindling at the same rate as my bitterness grows.
everyone's better
having a better time
more capable
I feel as though I've slumped into nothing. An antisocial wreck.
I see myself in these situations, being completely normal, but feeling like I'm not there. I am not who I think I am. My mind convinces me that regardless of what happens, everything is always horrible.
When will I learn to absorb the good times and keep it in my memory, to bring back up when I feel so alone? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2009|08:27 am] |
my car is totalled.
it wasn't my fault. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2009|11:37 am] |
Rob's waffles
2.5 cups flour
3/4 tsp salt
4 tsp baking powder (more makes it fluffy)
1.5 tbs sugar (brown sugar gives it better flavor)
2 eggs
2 1/4 cup milk
3/4 cup veggie oil
Tsp vanilla extract |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|04:29 pm] |
|
severe inability to communicate |
|
|
| sexual harassment |
[Apr. 4th, 2009|07:06 pm] |
One of our regulars, midly retarded 30 yr old man who likes to rap (literally retarded due to a drunk driving accident years ago)... comes in. He likes to talk to us for hours while we try to do work. We're nice. But seething on the inside.
He comes in.
"Idont haveny munny, cn yoo givme sum khaaffee?"
"Uh ok" says partner D. "Just a small one."
She gives him his free tall.
He asks for a piece of receipt roll and a pen and starts drawing at the registers.
"I lihke to drawww, it mahkez me hhappee."
":D"
*shows partner D the drawing*
"..that's.. Really offensive. I don't think you should show anyone that."
"Do yoo thingk I'm khrazy?"
"No, but that's sexual harassment..."
She later tells me that it was a drawing of a person with a hairy box, a penis for an arm, and a boob coming out of their head.
And thus began the end of free coffee for bhobbbeee. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|10:17 pm] |
I got into Green Mountain College of Vermont!
My top choice.
And they're giving me a shitton of money. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|09:20 pm] |
Insanity. He is insanity. He is short-tempered, violent, and very stupid. He only knows technological things, but common sense is foreign.
I can't deal. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|10:54 pm] |
|
sheeeee's drunk again. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|09:57 am] |
"What're you doing home?"
"Well, Charlotte, just thought I'd stay home from work just so I could see you. I mean, you're so busy offcape that I'm thinking about checking your odometer every time you go out."
"What the hell?"
Ohhh, they're onto me. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2008|10:19 pm] |
There's nothing more happy than the feeling I have right now. I'd like to say it's a mashup of many things - happiness, completion, connection. Rob is asleep, cuddled up to me. Never have I ever thought that I would like someone this much, or get this attached. I never knew what'd it be like to meet someone so important to me, and me be this important to them.
Except sometimes he rolls over, nudges me out of my position, and begins to snore. :( Like just now.
And earlier I woke him up just to hear him sleeptalking. Oops. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|09:32 pm] |
I hate these days that are just mindfucks. The ones that throw you off course so badly that you can't function correctly. It's something about the lack of comfort in pattern failure. Everything changed. I went to bed later than recommended, only to have to wake up at 6:00 AM for work. Extremely tired, I got ready and left the house. On the way to work, I became (or realized I was) ill. The shift made me call all the other barista's numbers to see if they could come in earlier.. Finally I said "fuck it". I knew the store manager would feel bad for me because I've covered a few of his shifts. I called him, told him what was up, and left.
I ended up passing back out at home, only to wake up at 2 pm. This was definitely a key factor in the mind-bogglingness of my day. My natural circadian rhythm was off by 5 hours. I woke up and realized I hadn't talked to my boyfriend all day - which is incredibly strange. Especially since it's our 8 month anniversary. Hmm. I figure he's working, because he WAS on call. But this little shift out of normal habit helped to mess me up.
I spent the rest of my day being bored and feeling shitty. Probably not much more will happen. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2008|12:45 am] |
A lengthy intellectual conversation with a complete stranger today brought this rush of excitement to me. It was so fresh and invigorating. When you're talking with a stranger you can let out all your deepest darkest secrets - if they don't accept you, you can choose to never see their face ever again. This specific stranger was a 22 year old graduate from my number one college choice. Brains, money, good background. Incredibly ambitious. Everything I'm not, or what I don't have. I thought I was happy to have such a great discussion with someone but... he made me hate myself a little more. Increased my self-loathing and paranoia. Made me realize how far from wonderful I am. Where the fuck am I going?
We talked a lot about humanities, instincts, body language. He studied it for a bit. I displayed an interest in this dark, manipulative art, so he showed me some good books. 50 pages into it, I can tell you scary things about hands, their movements, what it means, and why it came about. Everything is linked to something natural or cultural, but all making sense. I say "dark art" because once you learn this - you tend to look for it. It's EVERYWHERE a person is, and words are only a part of what we mean. Words mean the least. Humans interpret first body language, tone, then words. Apparently women are naturally better at this because of maternal instinct. Our slimey womb-brats can't speak a word for years, so we've got to make due with it somehow.
I hate the inevitable countdown of the clock at night, tick, tick, tick. In less than 5 hours, it will be required that I wake up. My sole responsibility tomorrow is to assume the position of Barista, an early morning task known for successfully defueling America's rich pockets and refueling caffeine-hungry WASPs. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2008|01:46 am] |
There is a common fear of attachment that strikes every woman now and then. We love the one we're with, and that's why we don't want to love them. It's an evil mixture of paranoia and fear of emotional pain that keeps us from ever fully loving. In my experience, to give up and fully love has sent many into a downward spiral of deceit. No one wants to find out that the man they've been trusting for months or years has turned out to have a change of plans. The worst is when these plans are sprung upon you, and don't include you anywhere. I mean, I'm one for spontaneity, but save the agony for some stupid bitch. I love and love and love. Just about 8 months with Rob now and twice he has quickly shifted our course, set sail away from me. First, a month. He figured things out. Recently, a day. He really figured things out. I think by now he understands that:
1. He actually loves me.
2. I actually love him.
3. Apparently he can't live without me.
Which explains why a day after he breaks up with me, he'll spend hours talking to me... all night long. It's one thing to speak with an ex after a few months awkwardly to see how things are, but this was just so different.
I get less fearful every day, more comfortable. Of course, there's that nagging demon inside (albeit, a very reasonable one) that says "keep on your toes, dear." Be aware af your surroundings and keep up your defenses. Don't end up like nearly every time before. But I wish to enjoy his company and caresses fully - not anticipate their departure by biting my lip. I want to love and be loved fully, and enjoy the time that I do have 100%. Enjoy every day thoroughly.
He's afraid to talk about the future. I'm a dreamer. I've made dream lives with a few different people. I don't expect anything to be true in the end. It's just fun for the time being. Live one day at a time.
Love every single day. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2008|01:44 am] |
In my past experiences, your boyfriend breaks up with you because he doesn't want to talk to you anymore.
Noo. Mine just wants to talk more. Begs to call me. Seems to need me more.
And it's not fair! He broke up with me, and I want to talk to him because I still love him. But a conversation with him feels restrained because I want to say "baby I love you" or something. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|12:27 am] |
His feelings are genuine. Sure. I believe that, I know it.
But I need to remember that I am a fucking doormat. No matter what I do, I always end up giving too much of myself and regret it. Regret can't be too good.
I just feel like the amount of effort I put into things.. it's not being returned. I ask for the smallest, SIMPLEST favor.. and it's "noo I'm doing this [even though I know what you're asking will only take a minute]." I'm so fucking low maintenance and he can barely keep up with that.
Also, on another angry side note, my lactose intolerance seems to be getting stronger by the day. Been drinking milk almost every night of my life, up until a year ago. Now I can't handle the stuff. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chazasaurus's journal